OTTAWA – Several white supremacists have stepped forward to take credit following reporting that Global Affairs Canada has been instructing their employees on how not to be racist via embracing racial stereotypes.
"I've been loving this new ideology," stated Rex Dobson, a white ethno-nationalist who has been providing anti-racism training at Global Affairs. "I get to say stuff like only white people have a 'sense of urgency.' Honestly, there are way too few jobs that pay you to call minorities lazy."
"We also cripple them by teaching brown kids that 'perfectionism' and 'objectivity' are scary white people things," Hunter Clemmins, an anti-racist neo-Nazi told our reporter. "Hopefully soon we won't have to hide the data showing Chinese and Indo-Canadians actually outperform whites if we can make them embrace 'good enoughism' and 'subjective' math. Though I might avoid using any bridges built in the next several years."
"Anyway, by telling them science and success is racist and that effort is pointless because they will always be victims, they should hopefully start becoming liberal arts majors. This of course precludes any chance of actual achievement."
"Amazing how we suddenly aren't alone on wanting to fixate on group differences using broad, race-based generalizations," said Dobson. "Thank god these people are too busy sending each other MLK memes to actually read anything he wrote."
In related news, Global Affairs Canada just announced its new anti-racist slogan: "Voting, Reproducing, and Avoiding Asphyxiation are Signs of Whiteness."