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Trudeau says Canadians will almost certainly probably get vaccines eventually

OTTAWA – Prime Minister Trudeau stated that Canadians would not be receiving any of the initial batches of COVID-19 vaccines when they are produced as Canada cannot actually produce any. Instead, despite the well-known truism that "sharing is caring," they will go to citizens of the countries actually doing the work such as the UK, US, and Germany.

"Now, I am not blaming anyone, but a certain former prime minister who shall remain nameless should have dealt with this in 2009 when it was recognized as an issue regarding H1N1. Clearly that was the time to deal with this and not at any point since then," Trudeau said outside Rideau Cottage Wednesday.

"Canada has made it clear it believes the developed countries able to make them should not gobble up all the vaccines and that they should be distributed fairly with the developing world. And have you seen some of our First Nations reserves? Still haven't even gotten clean drinking water on a bunch of them so pretty sure we qualify here. Anyway, I know Canadians believe that if we could make these drugs, we would recognize our red and white privilege and try to help others who were less fortunate. Wait, please don't include that last sentence, I meant the flag but it sounds kinda racist. You know, First Nations, red, just please cut it. Pretty sure you guys owe me," Trudeau told reporters while winking.

International relations expert Sandra Bohert explained it was likely Canada would be amongst the last countries to receive vaccinations. "Canadians are just too polite and conflict averse for this hard-elbows game. I just watched Palacio de los López, President of Paraguay, pretend to have a conversation with the Czech Republic president so he could cut ahead of Prime Minister Trudeau in the line to receive vaccines."

According to witnesses to the scene, Trudeau turned towards de los López as if to complain and then turned away, pretending as if nothing had happened.


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