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Trudeau maintains support for "sexually aggressive" Liberal candidate

"C'mon man, you are supposed to shave your beard during an election to show we mean business!"

OTTAWA -- In standing by a controversial Liberal candidate, Prime Minister Trudeau is facing accusations of hypocritically betraying a historically disadvantaged group he has long pledged to support.

Bill Tobins, the Liberal candidate for the riding of Bedford South, Nova Scotia, was leading in the polls before several of his female staffers came forward with allegations he was a member of the Taliban. The staffers explained they had become convinced after Tobins told them they should start wearing burqas and also refused to stop routinely destroying Soviet M1973 tanks with US-supplied FIM-92 Stinger missiles.

Trudeau explained that the affiliation with the Jihadist-political movement was "unfortunate", but that Tobins would continue representing the Liberals in Bedford South, whenever he returned from "visiting family" in Afghanistan.

Polls suggest this could hurt the Liberal's chances with Afghan Canadians.

"The people of Afghanistan should not interpret my endorsement of a man in favour of subjugating them to brutal, theofascistic rule as suggesting their safety is not my top priority," Trudeau told reporters. "We are following the processes and taking all possible steps to remedy this situation."

"Except of course for disallowing Mr. Tobins from representing our party in this election. There is honestly just so much paperwork involved in that."

Our affiliated reporter approached Mr. Tobins for comment but had acid thrown in her face because she had attended school.

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