OTTAWA – Following their uneventful convention last week, the Liberal Party has released their platform for the predicted upcoming election that they claim would have support from all "chronological chauvinists."
"With the in-fighting at the highly charged Conservative and NDP conventions, we were reminded about all the debate and negotiating necessary to unify a party of competing interests behind a single set of priorities," Prime Minister Trudeau told reporters outside Rideau Cottage. "Canadians were reminded just how messy and challenging real, honest democracy is."
"And I thought to myself, "Nope! Not having that!""
"Fortunately, we've found a solution for the age-old problem of needing to engage in political compromise," Phil Branford, a Liberal strategist told our reporter. "Instead of scarce resources leading to tough decisions, turns out we can actually just take them from future generations to pay for whatever exorbitant policies we have decided to steal from the NDP."
"I know that COVID-19 is ending, the economy is already starting to rev up, and usually politicians would be starting to think of how to repay some of this," Trudeau told reporters, "But I feel some people may not vote for me if I don't borrow $100 billion to spend on their pet issue and I firmly believe that I want to be elected again."
"Anyway, young Canadians should check their privilege. As a black-faced man, I feel it will be good to for them to experience their share of indentured servitude."